Sunday, September 25, 2011
dumb slut
My dear dumb slut friends,
If i could kill you all, and this I dream about constantly, I would begin by locking you all in a room with an old moldy Micheal Jackson corpse and make you eat his rotting limbs. You would then become infected with the disease of chiild raper and would feel posessed to invade a preschool in Tennessee. The fathers would find out that you're raping their kids and would hunt you down with their shotguns and very long knifes. They would also be posessed with child raping and would rape you all with their weapons and then shoot your eyes out. Somehow, you'd escape their creepy death warehouse and stumble blindly into the tenessee forest where hunters would shoot you and attempt to make sloppy joes out of you. But, their knives were very dull and wouldnt be able to quickly kill you. Their fat wives would come into the kitchen and see you all bloody and dying on the linoleum floor and would pull up their farm dresses and aprons and sit on your faces. Their giant vaginas would smother you and you'd have no choice but to breathe in their cheesy fishy UTI fumes. You'd choke, they'd take pity and bring you to the local hospital to try and save you. Sadly, the car would get sucked up by a UFO on the highway 99, and aliens would bring you to outer space and perfom painful rituals on you that include way too much mayonaise and vinegar and mostly just burning you with lazer lights, your skin your blister and they'd pop the blisters, squeeze the juice out, and make you drink it. they'd then decide you werent worthy of outer space and throw you out of the UFO and you;'d fall into the Antartic Ocean and freeze of hypothermia and then penquins would eat you
If i could kill you all, and this I dream about constantly, I would begin by locking you all in a room with an old moldy Micheal Jackson corpse and make you eat his rotting limbs. You would then become infected with the disease of chiild raper and would feel posessed to invade a preschool in Tennessee. The fathers would find out that you're raping their kids and would hunt you down with their shotguns and very long knifes. They would also be posessed with child raping and would rape you all with their weapons and then shoot your eyes out. Somehow, you'd escape their creepy death warehouse and stumble blindly into the tenessee forest where hunters would shoot you and attempt to make sloppy joes out of you. But, their knives were very dull and wouldnt be able to quickly kill you. Their fat wives would come into the kitchen and see you all bloody and dying on the linoleum floor and would pull up their farm dresses and aprons and sit on your faces. Their giant vaginas would smother you and you'd have no choice but to breathe in their cheesy fishy UTI fumes. You'd choke, they'd take pity and bring you to the local hospital to try and save you. Sadly, the car would get sucked up by a UFO on the highway 99, and aliens would bring you to outer space and perfom painful rituals on you that include way too much mayonaise and vinegar and mostly just burning you with lazer lights, your skin your blister and they'd pop the blisters, squeeze the juice out, and make you drink it. they'd then decide you werent worthy of outer space and throw you out of the UFO and you;'d fall into the Antartic Ocean and freeze of hypothermia and then penquins would eat you
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Dear Emily
Hello lovely emily
this post is from pete's left butt cheek..which i know is your favorite. Anyways i would get all up in your face like you love. You would be licking me and you would love it. All of a sudden i would release a toxic gas from my ass hole that you would have never expected. It is only toxic enough for you to be out for about a hour. Within that hour I would have magically shrunk you and stuck you up in one of those osprey nests. You would wake up in the form of a baby osprey. Before you could even panic you would haven fallen out of the nest. Unfortunatly you have not grown up as a bird and would fall right into the water because you can not fly. The second you hit water you would be swept with the current under the deck into a spot smushed next to the dock that you know you will not be able to escape. You sit here for days pondering you life and what you will do next. Unfortunalty one of those days hurricane irene happens to come and ruin you peace. The hurricane force winds blow you out of your safe spot and right onto land. The hungrey seagulls see you and grab you in their mouths. They fly you to a seagull spot and feed you their food. This does not sit well in your stomach and you start barfing right away. You barf away your entire stomach by accident. Then you try to eat a worm that the seagull has feed you. This was a mistake, since you had no stomach the worm began to eat every one of your organs. You are sitting on the beach dying organ less when a beach tag teenager comes up to you and makes you pay for a beach tag. This teenager has no place but to stick the beach tag through the last organ you have that functioning. This is your heart. A teenage beach tagger just killed you by sticking a beach tag through your heart. petes left but cheek is not longer so cute right?
this post is from pete's left butt cheek..which i know is your favorite. Anyways i would get all up in your face like you love. You would be licking me and you would love it. All of a sudden i would release a toxic gas from my ass hole that you would have never expected. It is only toxic enough for you to be out for about a hour. Within that hour I would have magically shrunk you and stuck you up in one of those osprey nests. You would wake up in the form of a baby osprey. Before you could even panic you would haven fallen out of the nest. Unfortunatly you have not grown up as a bird and would fall right into the water because you can not fly. The second you hit water you would be swept with the current under the deck into a spot smushed next to the dock that you know you will not be able to escape. You sit here for days pondering you life and what you will do next. Unfortunalty one of those days hurricane irene happens to come and ruin you peace. The hurricane force winds blow you out of your safe spot and right onto land. The hungrey seagulls see you and grab you in their mouths. They fly you to a seagull spot and feed you their food. This does not sit well in your stomach and you start barfing right away. You barf away your entire stomach by accident. Then you try to eat a worm that the seagull has feed you. This was a mistake, since you had no stomach the worm began to eat every one of your organs. You are sitting on the beach dying organ less when a beach tag teenager comes up to you and makes you pay for a beach tag. This teenager has no place but to stick the beach tag through the last organ you have that functioning. This is your heart. A teenage beach tagger just killed you by sticking a beach tag through your heart. petes left but cheek is not longer so cute right?
Dearest Hanner,
That was very lovely by the way...if I could kill YOU,
I would electrocute your nipple piercings until your boobs burn off and fall onto the ground and get eaten by ants. Then I would have a squad of dirty old homeless men stuff your empty boob holes with porcupine quills covered in ketchup and fish scales. The scales would be shoved so far into your body that they will start to come out of your fingers and toes and I would then snap them off and feed them to you. Next i would strap Maddie to your face and laugh as she bites out your eyes and then send you both into Wal Mart where the creepy Wal Mart people would strap you down and rub their toe cheese all over your body. After that I will put you i a shopping cart full of rotten anchovies, clams, genital crabs, vanilla pudding and cat hair and tie it to the back of Amish wagon and have them cart you to the village creeper to live out the next five days doing his sexual bidding until you die of exhaustion and syphilis.
Love you,
Emily
I would electrocute your nipple piercings until your boobs burn off and fall onto the ground and get eaten by ants. Then I would have a squad of dirty old homeless men stuff your empty boob holes with porcupine quills covered in ketchup and fish scales. The scales would be shoved so far into your body that they will start to come out of your fingers and toes and I would then snap them off and feed them to you. Next i would strap Maddie to your face and laugh as she bites out your eyes and then send you both into Wal Mart where the creepy Wal Mart people would strap you down and rub their toe cheese all over your body. After that I will put you i a shopping cart full of rotten anchovies, clams, genital crabs, vanilla pudding and cat hair and tie it to the back of Amish wagon and have them cart you to the village creeper to live out the next five days doing his sexual bidding until you die of exhaustion and syphilis.
Love you,
Emily
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