I miss you too, good thing the holidays are coming up so I can have a chance to put some of my words into action...
That being said when I see you in Dec If can kill you I will tie you all up with miles of old chewed bubble gum that I already made you pick off of hobos pee covered shoes. I will then cover your naked bodies in melted candy, sap, tar, whipped cream, and jelly until you are unbearably sticky. I'll let you alll sit in a room feeling sticky watching crochet videos and won't let you out until you have crocheted the bubblegum that you are wrapped into a beautiful work of art that I will sell for 100,000,000,000 dollars and use to buy a boat and lots of bears. I will put you on the boat and let you get really seasick and puke all over each other until your almost dead from the agony of it all. I will be watching from a secret camera in my posh mansion that I bought with your quilt money and when I feel like it I will press a button that releases the bears to tear your sticky ass bodies apart.
Can't wait to see you guys!
Lerve Emily
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
dear all friends
Dear all my friends that I have missed dearly,
1.. can't wait to see you all in december (not).
2. if i could kill you, when i kill you on december 12, i will first make you all chug o'doules non-alcoholic beer from 70 ft beer bongs until your stomachs pop. when the stomach volcano erupts, i will make sure that emily is positioned in front of christine's belly, mouth open. chrstine would be in front of abby, and abby in front of emily. thus, as the explosions come, you all would have some sort of sick love triangle of vomit being quickly forced into your mouths, and then explode from the abdomen again. this cycle would continue for 30 days and 30 nights, untill i would come and feed you all oysters and mussels and "Flamin Hot cheetos" ,which are quite delicious, but would burn your throat and stomach wounds so much until you wanted to truly die on the spot. i would then rub salt and vinegar on your wounds, all three of you, until you cried uncle. of course i wouldnt stop. i would bring you to africa, where it is hot and everyone has aids and is starving and make you give them fellatio until your tongues fall off. then, after they are all satisfied sexually, they would then begin to feel hunger pangs. they would skewer you like a kebab, and then roast you over a giant bonfire. at this time, it would be 120 degrees farenheit in the air, but the fire would be burning at approximately 1000 degrees farenheit. you would be high enough from the fire that it would burn off the top layer of all your skin, but you would be alive (like when you burn a marshmellow in the fire and ripe off the black crunchy crust and all is gooey inside- thats you). i would then rub your body in sawdust, shave off peices of your flesh, grind that shit up, and feed it to University of Washington students at Chipotle. Then, i'd kill you while you were watching them eat you in a fresh corn tortilla.
1.. can't wait to see you all in december (not).
2. if i could kill you, when i kill you on december 12, i will first make you all chug o'doules non-alcoholic beer from 70 ft beer bongs until your stomachs pop. when the stomach volcano erupts, i will make sure that emily is positioned in front of christine's belly, mouth open. chrstine would be in front of abby, and abby in front of emily. thus, as the explosions come, you all would have some sort of sick love triangle of vomit being quickly forced into your mouths, and then explode from the abdomen again. this cycle would continue for 30 days and 30 nights, untill i would come and feed you all oysters and mussels and "Flamin Hot cheetos" ,which are quite delicious, but would burn your throat and stomach wounds so much until you wanted to truly die on the spot. i would then rub salt and vinegar on your wounds, all three of you, until you cried uncle. of course i wouldnt stop. i would bring you to africa, where it is hot and everyone has aids and is starving and make you give them fellatio until your tongues fall off. then, after they are all satisfied sexually, they would then begin to feel hunger pangs. they would skewer you like a kebab, and then roast you over a giant bonfire. at this time, it would be 120 degrees farenheit in the air, but the fire would be burning at approximately 1000 degrees farenheit. you would be high enough from the fire that it would burn off the top layer of all your skin, but you would be alive (like when you burn a marshmellow in the fire and ripe off the black crunchy crust and all is gooey inside- thats you). i would then rub your body in sawdust, shave off peices of your flesh, grind that shit up, and feed it to University of Washington students at Chipotle. Then, i'd kill you while you were watching them eat you in a fresh corn tortilla.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)